January 20, 2010

January Poem

Thanks for your comments!


Anonymous said...

Oh this is so good! "sun-struck sky", the salting of foreign words, and the ending just the right touch. One nit:

"unutsi is art
that never points
in (fewer) than six directions"

I would use "less" instead. Just my 2 cents to take or leave. Thanks for posting this, really enjoyed!

Suzanne said...

Lovely! I particularly enjoyed the icicly, kind of declarative pause I found myself on as I began these lines:

the sharpest air
holds little water;
expect few crystals,
faux neige

You are incredible. Thank you!!!

Anonymous said...

I was so enjoying the mystery (because I'm a little language dense) and the slow shiver of beautiful phrases when my face broke into a full grin at "drive where you like." You, I believe, may be developing a inner, ancient Yankeeness. Thanks for the colorful whiteness. And again, a perfect jewel of a title! <3, fmf

Patricia Caspers said...

Thanks for your comments! I'm glad it was a hit because it's hard for me to write anything without characters-- although, I guess I did slip in that grandma at the end. :)

Marie, I'm still weighing my fewer/less options. I like the sound of "less," but I'm stuck on the grammar.